Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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