you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
