sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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