No awkward lesbian experiences without me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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