the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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