420 ftw
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
