I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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