It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
