He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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