U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
