you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize