I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize