They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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