I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
