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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night

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• (914): View more from New York

  we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.

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• (909): View more from California

  I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.

  (648): View more from

  100%

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.

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• (432): View more from Texas

  I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  This ER has an aquarium in it!!!

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.

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• (550): View more from

  I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.

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