just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
