is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
