For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So many bounce houses so little time
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
