It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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