I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
