my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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