Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
