just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just want nice things and good sex
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
