We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
