i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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