where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
