I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i think i just lost a toe
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
