If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
