Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
