I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
