Quick, to the slutcave!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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