I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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