Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
