is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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