I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
