I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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