When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
