It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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