why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
