you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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