So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
