I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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