oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
