I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
