Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I am spending my child support on dildos
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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