sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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