and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
