took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
