the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
