you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
