I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
