no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
