this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
