Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
