I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize