1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
