Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
