Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
