Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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