it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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