My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
