Your tits are I can't wait for
I could make wine with my vomit
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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