If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
