my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
my poor anus
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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