Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
