if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize