Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
